this time it's going to be different .

i dont even know where to begin .

things have been up , down , & all around .

 yet im sooo happy . i find my self smiling more & more everyday .

& i now this sounds corney as fuck , but i feel so intune with my soul .

ive been reading , writing , researching , & exploring new everything .

but dont get shit twisted . im still me . & i still like my shit BLACK .

but . . . i think its time i switched the style up . again . lol

& i know ive said i'd open up more about my personal life & havent really .

sooo this time around shit is about to get personal . reaaal fucking personal .

sooo lets get caught up shall we ?

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song of the day :

Leave by VV Brown

i feel like if i was to make a up beat song . i would have done exactly this . she's a new artist on the rise . pleaseee check out more of her music .

" now you're alone in the dark with a bruised broken heart . "

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soooo lately ive been working . alot . in fact too much . i feel like im always there .

but once im there i dont think about anything else but the money . i just feel like i can i freee my mind there .

its funny because i used to just sit at home & not do shit . & now im constantly running back & forth . i love it though . & not to mention the fucking weather . like where the fuckkkk did spring go ? but i cant complain . going outside just puts a smile on my face . go take a walk or read a book or a magzine outside . im telling you'll love it . other than work , ive been doing the usual . the three S's :

shopping , swearing , & smoking .

haha ! & thats what i'll be doing all summer long . i also going back to school next month . im only taking fitness & wellnes because i want to spend most of my summer working & taking trips with me friends . this summer is going to be sooo epic . every summer has a story & im not looking for a fairytale . im looking for a new york times best seller .

* but thats enough about me . TRUST ME , ill tell you guys a lot more within these up coming post .

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. SPOTTED .

Katy Perry & Rihanna on the red carpet at Kids Choice Awards .

-Katy looks amazing , & that big wig she wore was sooo her , i loved it . Rihanna on the other looks like a grandma . likei know its the KCA but we allll know you would never where that anywhere else . & her performance was soo suckish . why the hell would she pick rudeboy of all songs ? i know all the little kids were like " moooommmmyyy . whats a rudeeeboyyy ?!? "

Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas . how motherfucking cutee ! when i found out they were dating i almost died . i love demi & i love joe & them together is HOT SEX . which i know they're having . i meaan wtf . all the do is PDA . they were spotted shopping & spending the day chillin in the park . i think they make a great couple . i hope they last .

Pharrell Williams looking sexyyy , his birthday just recently passed on april 5th . he turned 37 . fucking wow right ?! i know . i had no idea he was soo old . he looks good though . for a old coot . loving his outfit though . those are chanel glasses by the way . he's got style for daysss .

Beyonce & Jay Z in the white house . what they're doing there i have noooo fucking clue . & i wonder what they're talking about . probably some illuminati shit . & why the fuck is Jay Z at the head of the table like he's the president ?! hmmm . i gotta do some research on this , i really want to know what they're doing there . updates sooooon .

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. TRAVELING CIRCUS .

look at my lovely momma monsterr . this picture was banned in the U.S by the way .

she's also going on tour , ill have the official tour dates up soon . talk of the town is that ticktets are selling for 178 & up . sheeeeeeessssshhh ! i really want to see her though . who knows .

RiRi on american idol . looking amazing always . & i guess this time she wasn't missing a black guitar .

she is also going to be going on tour . its called " The Last Girl On Earth " & joining her will be Ke$ha & Nicki Minaj . wierd combo but i can dig it . ill have her official tour dates soon as well . & since we're on the subject of RiRi here's what she had to say about "close" friend Matt Kemp :

“He’s my boyfriend. … It’s new and it’s fun and it’s nothing too serious. I don’t want anything nuts that’s gonna take up so much of my energy and time in a bad way.”

o_0
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you cocked your head to the side & smiled didnt you ?

justtttt checking . . .

:]

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Nick Jonas for VMan magazine .

three different SEXY covers .

need i say more ?

selena & him broke up by the way . oh well , shit happens .

i dont really like selena anyway . sooo uhm . moving on ?

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Ali Lohan . dont know who's she's posing for . but heyyy , lohan's spazzing out so someones gotta bring the bread home .

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how long has it been since you've been inspired ?
here's a double dose . can you handle it ? 

. GET INSPIRED .

if i cant keep you then i give up .

how can i listen to my mind without breaking my heart ?

bottled up inside are the words i never said & the feelings that were never read .

i dont like what i becoming .

love is the ultimate performance .

do you want to sit here & die ? tell me , cause i will sit here & die with you .

my word is my pride .

you're soo beautiful that it would torment an angel to insanity .

baby i aint addicted . im committed .

your deception & lies will cost you dearly .

he's too in love with himself to be in love with anyone else .

i want to see your sould through the holes in your face .

is there still a world outside my windowsill ?

i dont care if you call me crazy , ive been called worse .

we're a pair . a perfect match . we're just ment to be .

you're too comfortable in your memories .

all my life ive been a fool .

we must do extraordinary things . we have to . it would be absurd not to .

you gave strength when i couldnt give it to myself .

you cant kill a man with soul .

big boys dont cry but they sure do fall .

bitch you a hoe . thats why i dont call you no more .

you left me with no love . & no love to my name .

he's something like a rolling stone .

i swear if they turned the lights down in this place you'd shine like star .

lovely ran through her veins & she always wondered why .

i feel like im on my knees . & you're just laughing at me .

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. PHOTOGRAPHY .

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we never trust that feeling we have when something bad is about to happen . & then when it does happen we act sooo surprised . why ? we knew it was coming . & yet we continue to ignore the things that are only there to help us . so the next time he tells you , " baby , this time it's going to be different . " listen to that feeling . & if that feeling tells you he's going to leave your heart in a puddle on the floor . take two steps back . so you can get a good look at the mother fucker . & let your soul do the talking . it might be hard . but its the right thing to do . sometimes the hardest thing & the right thing are equally the same .

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kept this short because im working on sooo many different things . ive got to get myself caught up .
& thanks for reading guys ! i love all of you :]

emancipate yourselves from mental slavery .

*[ DEEP SIGH ) . . .

i dont even know where to begin . like . things have been sooooo hetic with me , im suprised im fucking alive right now . i really dont want to go into too much detail about it because im trying to put the past behind me , but lets just say :

" they tried to make me go to rehaaaabbb & i said noo , noo , noo ! "
 ive never felt sooo betrayed & hurt in such a long timee . right when i thought i was finally coming together they broke me again into a thousand piecess .  i've been broken soo many times . & its fucking amazing that i somehow find a way to slowly put myself together . piece by piece .

*& have you ever noticed that when you cry for something unimportant , the cry doesnt last very long ? but when you are truely hurt . it seems like you've been crying for hours ? to the point where its taking your energy to cry ? to the point where you honestly think your tear supply has run outt ? well let me be the first to say that crying does NOT mean that your weak . since birth , it has always been a sign that you're alive . so when you dont cry . that's when you should fucking question yourselfff .

this post is dedicated to the way ive been feeling for the past couple of days .

WARNING : the content writen might be to dark for the human soul to baree .

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SPOTTED .

sexy ass Joe Jonas was CAUGHT leaving Hillary Duff's El Lay compound on wednesday afternoon . virgin my ass . he is too beautiful to be a virgin . i mean look at him ! & his face looks sooo guilty . l0l

Lindsay Lohan at the Warner Brothers And InStyle Golden Globe After-Party . daaamn she looks amazing :]

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you wanna know the oneeee fucking thing that pisses me off ? okay , so when someone comes up to you , or vise-versa . & they ask you : hey, how are you ? when CLEARLY your eyes are black , your mouth is dry . you look like you've just returned home from war . & you reply back : fine . . .

& then that person says : okay , thats good .

 WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SOO FUCKING FINE ?!

we are not fine . we are never finee . like seriously . how many times do you say you're fine when your not ?! why do we continue to lie on a daily basis . sooo the next time someone asks mee how the fuck im doing . i will simply reply :

how the fuck does it look like im doing ?!

& walk away .

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*PETA aint gonna like this . . .

reports say that Kanye West had been banned from appearing on the Hope for Haiti telethon premiring Friday at 8 . & although it would make some sense not to invite him , turns out Kanye was invited ! a rep for MTV is claiming the rumors of not inviting Kanye are false . Instead stating :

 " That's absolutely not true. We DID reach out to Kanye. However, Kanye has yet to respond."

smfh . typical kanye .

BUT pleaseee tune in for the telethon . i hear it supposed to be really good & all the proceeds are going to haiti . damn . i wish i would could help . . .

but here's who's going to be performing for the telethon .

*performing in New York City :

Wyclef Jean .

 Bruce Springsteen .

 Jennifer Hudson  .

 Mary J. Blige.

 Shakira .

 Sting .

& Madonna .

*performing in L.A :

 Alicia Keys .

 Christina Aguilera .

 Dave Matthews .

John Legend .

Justin Timberlake .

 Stevie Wonder .

Taylor Swift .

& a group performance by Keith Urban . Kid Rock . Sheryl Crow

& Coldplay

*performing in London :

a group performance by Bono . The Edge . Jay-Z . & Rihanna .

& Beyonce will be performing too

*sheeeeeesh . what a line up ! im going to be jumping channels with this oneee .

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get inspired .

i dont think you know what it's like . to be on the edge of your bed , head burried in your hands . just wishing it all would end .

some people are just born with tragedy in thier blood .

i know life is unfair & shit . but this is fucking rediculouss .

i wonder how life would be if i lived without feelings .

you can cry all you want but your tears wont end this war .

im content with my sadness .

im a black cloud . sending lightning to the ground .

you're one step closer to hitting rock bottom .

expect nothing . blame no one . do smething .

i feel safe in the darkness . it cradles mee .

i built up a world of magic . because my real life is tragic .

try hard & die harder .

if home is where the heart is then we're all just fucked .

dont tell me you've never had this feeling . cause we've all been here before .

real love is composed of ectasy & agony .

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photography .

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ending this off with Rihanna's performance on Oprah .

she sang Redemption song , orginally by Bob Marley .

i fucking lovee this song right here .

i grew listening to music like this soo it really touches me .

she said she uses this song to get through struggles in her life .

& so do i .

*ehh , i really dont think she should have fucked with a Marley classic . but it doesn't sound THAT bad . still love her :]

sing along if you likeee :

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;


Sold I to the merchant ships,

Minutes after they took I

From the bottomless pit.

But my hand was made strong

By the hand of the Almighty.

We forward in this generation

Triumphantly.

Won't you help to sing

This songs of freedom

'Cause all I ever have:

Redemption songs;

Redemption songs.



Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;

None but ourselves can free our minds.

Have no fear for atomic energy,

'Cause none of them can stop the time.

How long shall they kill our prophets,

While we stand aside and look? Ooh!

Some say it's just a part of it:

We've got to fullfil the book.

Won't you have to sing

This songs of freedom? -

'Cause all I ever had:

Redemption songs -

All I ever had:

Redemption songs:

These songs of freedom,

Songs of freedom.